Do you really want to know?

My son turns 21 this year. A Junior in college. An adult by all legal sense. Our family uses Find Friends to locate each other. My son can find us, and we can find him. There are many apps that our other friends used with their kids in High School. We just stuck with Find Friends because it works for us.

When my son left for college, I asked him about “tracking”. I am incredibly self-aware (sometime to a fault) so I gave him the choice: Keep tracking on or turn it off. Sounds easy enough right? I write this blog in hopes of providing practical solutions that empower YOU to make change in your life. And believe me, choosing to follow, or not follow your adult child will be a change. In the spirit of transparency, he agreed to leave tracking on. I think his direct statement was “As long and you don’t call me and ask me what I am doing”. I agreed. Sounded like a good compromise.

What I realize 2 years later is how difficult that request is and how much that request reminds me that parenting an adult kid is different (I’ll write another blog about that).

Because “don’t call me and ask what I am doing” and honoring that means seeing his location …

· At the beach on a Tuesday 50 miles from campus at 3:00 AM

· 6:30 PM out to dinner. Did I know you liked Mexican? Date? Friends?

· At the dorm at 10:00 AM at the time of Chemistry class

· In the neighboring town at a house address I don’t know

· At the grocery store at 2:30 AM

· At an apartment at 5:30 AM – Safe? Whom? Why? What happened?

· Why is his location not moving when it says he is on the interstate?

And NOT saying anything about it. Can you do this? Can you live by the rules you and your child agree to? I tell you I have not always been great at this. I have spent more time than I want to admit watching that dot and wondering what is going on. Feels like yesterday he came home, and we talked. Did I know everything? Of course not, but it was a heck of a lot more than I do now. Yes, yes, I know this is a normal life transition blah, blah, blah.

The point is, before you track or not track what is your comfort level of knowing, or not knowing? My advice – give yourself grace but be honest.

1. Think about scenarios if tracking and how you would respond

2. Think about not tracking and how would that make you and your kid feel

3. Make a pro’s and con’s list for both and discuss

4. If you have a significant other living with you ask if they are on the same page. This is a vital piece that is overlooked and cause serious conflict

5. Be honest. If you can’t do it, don’t say you can.