New Years Resolution - Complain Less

Practice grace. Remember a time when you had less in your life. Express gratitude. Think of others less fortunate than you. Pray.

There are numerous blog sites that provide step-by-step solutions to help you in your journey to complain less. Even though all these suggestions can offer you a course of action, none speak to the root of your complaining. The actual question you need to ask and have answered if you are to be successful with your New Years resolution of complaining less is simply, “Why do I complain so much?”

Before we dig in … Congratulations. Since you have put the act of complaining less on top of your New Years resolution list, you have obviously self-identified that this is an issue for you. Or maybe someone else in your life has identified this as a conern. Whatever way this objective for change was brought to you, you have decided to take ownership. That is always the first step to any change. That is powerful. So give yourself credit and enjoy your empowered journey

Complaining has many acronyms – venting, lamenting, whining, grumbling, bellyaching - whatever you want to call it, it is still an expression of dissatisfaction about your state of affairs. Read that last part again … dissatisfaction about your state of affairs. The reason why you are complaining is that you are dissatisfied. Period. Until you are able to label the reason WHY you often complain, you will never be able to reach the root cause and find a solution. To be able to create an action plan for the new year, you must first identify the type of complainer you are. Which scenario sounds like you?

Habitual: If you are a habitual complainer, you are dissatisfied with everything. You do not delineate what you complain about, you just find yourself complaining often throughout the day on various subjects. It’s too cold outside. Her shirt it too low-cut. This chair is hurting me. The cafeteria doesn’t have anything to eat. And so on, and so on, and so on. Complaining has become a habit for you. Have the courage to ask your close friends if you complain too much. If they respond , “That’s just the way you talk”, or if you overhear them telling someone “She really doesn’t mean to be so harsh”, chances are you fit into this category.

• Solution: When you find yourself getting ready to say something negative, pause and ask yourself, “If what I'm going to say is non-productive, does it really have to be said?” If you realize there is no practical solution that will come by presenting your complaint, you may just want to stay quiet or reframe your statement. Complaining that it is cold outside doesn’t change it's cold. Complaining you forgot your jacket, doesn’t get you a jacket. But asking if someone has a jacket you can borrow because you are cold is a productive statement. There is an outcome. A solution.

Nagging: Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”. If you are a nagging complainer, you have an unresolved issue regarding a specific area of dissatisfaction. Put your shoes away. Why do you always leave your shoes in the middle of the room? How many pairs of shoes do you have? I am going to throw your shoes away if I find them in the wrong place again. In this example, the placement of shoes are unresolved. If you are told you are nagging, you can be sure that you have a specific focus that unsettled.

• Solution: Solve the issue once and for all. This can be accomplished by getting everyone involved to be part of the solution process. All agree, the shoes will go in the closet as soon as they are removed. Hold everyone (including yourself not to complain) accountable to the plan. If everyone lives up to their expectations, the complaining will dissipate.

Attention Getter: When someone tells you that they had a great day, do you ask them what made it so great? Not usually. But, if someone say their day was terrible, you usually open the door for them to talk about it. Talking about it makes them feel good. And, if it is you that is venting, talking about it makes you feel good. Having someone ask questions makes you feel special and that someone cares about you. The dissatisfaction of your state is within you. My back hurts. I am too fat. Why does everything happen to me? You will never understand. You are using your complaints to get others to express (or at least act like) they care to fill the attention void you desire.

• Solution: Find a positive way to get the attention that you want. You do this through challenging your thoughts to choose a focus that supports positve conversation and creates discussion. You can as easily provoke genuine conversation (Isn’t it a beautiful day?) just as easily as a negative one. It is the discussion that is making you feel that the person cares and the connection through conversation that makes you feel good. If you start conversations with postive versus negative points, you may find the person converses more often.

Crowd Pleaser: This is a less obvious form of complaining. It is more subdued. Being a crowd pleaser complainer sounds like an oxymoron, but you heard the phrase, misery loves company. Everyone wants to fit in. To be accepted. In this day of acceptable negativity, it is easy to be lured into that complaining space. Ask yourself, “Am I being negatively influenced by people that surround me causing me to complain?” If your answer is yes, your dissatisfaction is coming from your outside environmental factors. You may even think of yourself as a positive person but find yourself going with the conversational flow. You complain because others complain.

• Solution: Change your environment. Find people that enlighten you and challenge you to look at the good side of life. Change the conversation. Redirect to a topic less heavy. Challenge your audience. Although this may be difficult, if you are in an environment that you cannot change, speak your postive thoughts. Other may follow.

Now, there will be days that you complain. Rough days happen. People happen. Circumstances happen. Talking through challenges help heal problems. Venting - at times - can be a good thing for your soul. So remember, your resolution is to complain less, not eliminate complaining. Contemplate which type of complainer you are to work towards the solutions provided. Positive thoughts change how we think. How we think effects how we act and behave. And how we behave effects how we feel. New Years resolutions are created with the goal of helping you feeling better and you will feel better as you complain less.